you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That was an excessively violent trivia night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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