May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
honey bunches of taint.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
