I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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