FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
