So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
