Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
