I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
