Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
