I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
