he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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