vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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