The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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