i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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