bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
