I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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