he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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