I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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