another moral hangover. fuck.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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