I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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