I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just cut my nipple shaving
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
