I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
