i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
