There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
