i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
