Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
