I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
