My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
