I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
