When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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