2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
