Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
