Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
