I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
