My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
