While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
