You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
