That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Watching her eat just hurts me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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