you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
