just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is my gift to your gina
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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