My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
