i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
where are my eyebrows?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
