But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
