Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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