i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
