U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
