I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
