Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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