i already hear my dad disowning me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
