I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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