I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
