I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
