I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
