she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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