i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
