Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
