Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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