take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize