Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
