I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
