not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize