no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
