I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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