At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize