Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
