He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
