Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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