Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
