do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
