Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
