You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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