my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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