At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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