goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
