sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
