after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
