I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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