Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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