I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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