Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
