he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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