also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
