Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
