There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i believe in u and ur pee
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