I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
